College football Bottom 10 — Penn State, Illinois worse than we bargained for

[Editor’s note: The nation’s last two winless teams stayed winless while a pair of Big Ten teams played themselves into the Coveted Fifth Spot, though it took nine overtimes to get there.]

Inspirational considered the week:

So shut, but so removed from paradise
I maintain, you in my arms, in paradise
Is mine, then you definitely slip away
Like a baby at play, and right here am I
So shut, but so removed from paradise

If you, are near me, it is paradise
We kiss, oh my love, paradise
Is mine, then abruptly you are gone from me
Like a floating star, I see, and right here am I
So shut, but so removed from paradise

— “So Shut, But So Far,” Elvis Presley

Right here at Backside 10 Headquarters, positioned someplace in the midst of that enormous white cloud left behind by David Pollack’s perpetual twister of protein powder, we deal within the enterprise of heartbreak. Like, that point you lastly constructed up the braveness to ask the homecoming queen to promenade, and for a cut up second she smiled as if she was going to say sure … however then you definitely realized that was her pre-hysterical laughter smile. OK, that may simply be me and I’d simply be bitter, however you get the analogy.

Every week in the past, we had been all staring on the Week 8 schedule and questioning aloud the place the drama was going to return from and if there was going to be any drama coming in any respect. Then the midday Massive Ten video games bought weirder than Kanye West’s name-change utility. Then Kansas led Oklahoma. Then UNLV and Arizona, the nation’s final two winless groups, led within the second half of their video games.

Then I went and bought my highschool yearbook to see if I may observe down that homecoming queen and let her know that she blew it as a result of she may very well be married to the man who writes the Backside 10 now. Then my spouse noticed what I used to be doing. Then my pillow and pajamas had been abruptly on the sofa within the basement. However then I noticed that meant I may keep up and watch the New Mexico State-Hawaii sport at 2 a.m. ET with the quantity turned all the way in which up.

With apologies to Kim Hudgins, Timmy Chang, my spouse and Steve Harvey, here is the 2021 post-Week 8 Backside 10 rankings.

1. unLv (0-7)

For the second consecutive week, the Fightin’ Tark Sharks snatched defeat from the Jaws of victory, this time main practically your complete sport at house in opposition to San Jose State, solely to succumb to a 24-3 Spartans run, a blocked area objective that arrange SJSU’s game-winning TD and driving into the pink zone late solely to return up brief. The excellent news? That big slot machine UNLV has on the sideline is superior. The unhealthy information? I feel it is perhaps one of many slot machines from “Ocean’s 13” that Brad Pitt rigged to fail except you already know the key code.



UNLV unveils a sideline slot machine to assist have a good time TDs and INTs.

2. By The Time I Get To Arizona (0-6)

The Wildcats additionally led late, taking a 16-7 lead within the fourth quarter over then-two-win Warshington and seemingly solely minutes away from ending an 18-game shedding streak. As an alternative, they fizzled late and now that streak is as much as 19 straight losses. If UNLV and Arizona end the season as the one winless groups, we have discovered a city on the midway level between Tucson and Vegas. It is Bagdad, Arizona, they usually have a pleasant little highschool soccer stadium, so we are saying let’s schedule the Backside 10 Playoff Championship for there this winter. Then once more, the Bagdad Excessive Sultans are 7-3 and in first place of their district, so Arizona and UNLV will nonetheless be worst groups within the constructing.

3. Kansas Nayhawks (1-6)

Does it really feel imply to maneuver KU up/down in our rankings after scaring the crimson and cream out of Oklahoma for 4 quarters? Sure. However let’s additionally contemplate their final month, shedding 52-33 at Duke, 59-7 at Iowa State and 41-14 to a Texas Tech workforce that instantly fired its head coach. Additionally, the enchantingly precise FPI computer systems presently have the Nayhawks rated with a 2.7% probability of beating Oklahoma State, a workforce that simply skilled its annual However We Had been Ranked So Excessive, How’d We Lose That One? Basic at Iowa State.

4. U-Cannot (1-7)

Naturally, you’ll be able to depart it to the Huskies to take a chunk out of our “so darn shut” theme. They misplaced to Muddled Tennessee State 44-13. Now they go to Dying Valley to face Clemson, who ought to have mechanically misplaced a bazillion model factors with the Faculty Soccer Playoff choice committee for scheduling a sport with UConn. However they do not have to fret about that this yr, as a result of they have not been in a position to do something involving factors of any variety this season.

5. In poor health-ugh-noise 20, Pin State 18 (9 OT)

This week the Coveted Fifth Spot is the Coveted Ninth Spot, as in 9 overtimes. An 11 a.m. Central contest that grew to become the primary sport to really take a look at the brand new OT guidelines produced 38 complete factors regardless of together with 9 (!) further intervals of soccer. And afterward Illinois discovered it had misplaced its quarterback for the rest of the season and Pin State head coach James Franklin ended up answering extra questions concerning the USC job opening than the sport itself. Illini coach Bret Bielema may name it “borderline erotic,” however we’re calling it below-the-line esoteric.

6. FI(not A)U (1-6)

The Butch Davis Farewell Tour continued with a 34-19 loss to then-two-win Western Kentucky. Now the Panthers journey to We Had been Marshall and end the season in opposition to Backside 10 flirts Previous Duh-Minions, Muddled Tennessee, North Texas Lean Inexperienced and Southern Missed. In response to the witchingly watertight FPI formulation, the Panthers are the underdog in all of these video games, with a 69% common probability of shedding. On most farewell excursions, they offer a man a bunch of rocking chairs. Davis is having chairs pulled out from beneath him.

7. UMess (1-6)

After beating UConn to snap a 16-game shedding streak, the Minutemen bought again on observe with a 59-3 loss at Florida State. And by “again on observe,” we imply tied up and laid down on railroad tracks like a Nineteen Twenties silent film damsel in misery.

8. Whew Mexico State (1-6)

Talking of old-timey, I wasn’t being utterly trustworthy with y’all after I mentioned I watched the New Mexico State-Hawaii sport on TV. I listened to the NMSU radio play-by-play on my cellphone. I felt like I used to be residing out all these superior tales my dad tells about mendacity in mattress late at night time and listening to the Yankees on his transistor radio … solely his radio wasn’t interrupted by unhealthy cell service and fixed push notifications that one other Tennessee fan was mad at me about placing them within the Coveted Fifth Spot final week.

9. Tulame (1-7)

It feels somewhat incorrect to rank the Inexperienced Wave after what they endured with Hurricane Ida in the beginning of the season, however additionally they simply prolonged SMU’s unbeaten season through a 55-26 loss in Dallas. Now they face one other loss-less opponent in second-ranked Cincinnati and will likely be a 24.5-point house underdog.

10. Georgia Southern Not State (2-5)

This weekend Georgia Southern College hosts rival Georgia State College within the Battle For The Use Of GSU Bowl, introduced by Gulf States Utility and the Genealogical Society of Utah. The winner will transfer on to face Grambling State College within the car parking zone of the Grain Providers Union, whereas the loser will go to the clinic at Geneseo State College for a Grey-Scale Ultrasonography.

Ready checklist: Colora-duh Muffaloes, Indiana Who-siers, Arkansaw State, Vanderbilt Commode Doorways, Southern Missed, North Texas Lean Inexperienced, Previous Duh-minions, Cow Berkeley, half of the MAC East, COVID-19.

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